As I witness so many of my friends losing loved ones right now, I’m feeling guided to share my journey around the loss of my mother!
My biggest fear in this lifetime was losing my Mum! For as long as I can remember I’ve had a reoccurring nightmare about her death. In the dream my Mum dies suddenly (as she did end up doing!), and I am plunged into the depths of grief and despair. In the dream I sit on the floor rocking backwards and forwards, not knowing how to carry on, and with an overwhelming urge to end my life! Yet in the dream my mother stands beside me, I can’t see her, but she is saying to me “I didn’t go anywhere, I’m still here!”
Then I wake up, and it takes me several minutes to realise it was all a bad dream! I’ve had this dream over and over again throughout the years, and I’m always so relieved when I wake up and realise my mum is still with me!
In May 2022, my mum was admitted into hospital with stomach pains, and 2 days later she died. I was in New Zealand at the time and my brother Andrew phoned me to tell me the bad news! I went into shock, it can’t be true, it must be another dream. I slapped myself around the face to wake myself up, but no, it’s real this time! 

I am plunged into the deepest grief I’ve ever experienced! I feel lost, how am I supposed to carry on now?! And then I remember my dream!! My mum hasn’t gone anywhere, she’s still with me. I quieten my emotions and calm myself. I see my mum sat on the end of my bed in spirit. “I’m still here Becky Boogies” she says!
I talk to her, she says she has no more pain in her legs anymore and she can keep up with me walking now! 
She starts singing a song to me, I recognise it but I can’t remember the name of the song and I’m not sure why she’s singing it to me. I start singing the song myself in the hope that one of my friends will recognise it and tell me the name.
She starts singing a song to me, I recognise it but I can’t remember the name of the song and I’m not sure why she’s singing it to me. I start singing the song myself in the hope that one of my friends will recognise it and tell me the name.Remembering that my mum and I used to be very good at charades together, I ask her to tell me how many words are in the song title. “Three words” she says. Immediately the title dropped into my head, ‘Abide with me’, but I’m still unsure why she is singing this song to me.
The next day my brother phoned me to organise the funeral and he says we need to choose a reflective piece of music to play at Mum’s funeral. Immediately I realised why Mum had been singing this song to me, this was the song that she wanted at her funeral.
When I arrived back in the UK a week later, I was finalising the funeral plans when I received a phone call from the brass band that my mum used to play in. “We wondered if you would like us to play at your mum’s funeral?” they said.
“Oh wow, yes I would love that”, I responded “and I know my mum would too.” 
The band conductor said “We are all very sad to hear of your Mum’s passing, and we have been playing a hymn all week in honour of her. We have played it several times since we heard of her passing, the hymn is ‘Abide with me!’ I couldn’t believe it. This was confirmation for me that my mum had been communicating to me from the other side! 
The band conductor said “We are all very sad to hear of your Mum’s passing, and we have been playing a hymn all week in honour of her. We have played it several times since we heard of her passing, the hymn is ‘Abide with me!’ I couldn’t believe it. This was confirmation for me that my mum had been communicating to me from the other side! So on the day of my mums funeral the brass band played my mum‘s favourite hymn ‘Colne’ at the start of the ceremony, and the reflective piece of music was ‘Abide with me’.
I share my journey in the hope that it brings comfort to those of you that are also losing loved ones at this time, and to know that they have not gone anywhere, they are still around you and their love for you is eternal! 
